Say yes to the ...

Follow the signs. 

I have recently put myself in what I like to call a position of “yes”. This is the ability to say yes to opportunities at short notice and look at the good that can come from these opportunities. It is a very fortunate position to be in but this has made a huge difference to my mindset and my positivity. 

For so long I had too much of a negative mindset and outlook on life. I got stuck on the negatives and was struggling to see the positive aspects of life. These feelings crept up on me, making me risk averse and less confident, I didn’t like it. 

I would often find myself looking at the worst-case scenario or thinking about all the terrible things that could happen, overlooking any positive aspects of a situation. Since negative events are usually by nature more complicated and powerful than the positive events, we require more brain power to minimize the consequences of the event and deal with the experience, making it a more memorable and intense experience (Taylor, 1991). 

Having a deep dive into it (you’re welcome Eoin Walker of The Pre-Hospital Care Podcast) I realised I was by no way alone. 

Taking a deep dive

Remember your last appraisal at work, feedback from a sporting performance or other pastime? You were probably told a lot of positives and maybe a couple of constructive criticisms. I bet those criticisms were at the forefront of your mind most of the day and were the first thing you told your mates when you saw them. 

This is a form of Negativity Bias, where bad things hold more weight than the positives. It is maybe a revolutionary hang up from when we were hunter gatherers and had to recognise threat quickly to make sure we weren’t eaten by some massive cat (Cacioppo JT, et al. 2014). As primitive humans we focused on the bad, dangerous things as they were more likely to get us killed. The brain is trying to keep us safe by focusing on the negatives. 

This was a useful trait to have back then but today a negativity bias can have a detrimental effect both personally and professionally. It significantly impacts how we make decisions, motivate ourselves, and interact with one another.

All cognitive biases have an impact on decision making, having a negativity bias can mean you outweigh the outcome in a negative way skewing your assessment of risk (Kahneman and Tversky, 1984). Even when two things have an equal value negativity will always outweigh the positive. This is because loss looms larger than gains (Kahneman and Tversky. 1984). For example, in a situation where the odds were identical, equal odds of winning to losing and you were asked to risk £100 to gain £200 would you do it? We tend to miss the things that we have had and that we have lost more than those that we have never had in the first place.  

Depending on how a task is framed can influence how we complete a task. There is evidence to suggest that we are more focussed and motivated to complete a task if we risk losing something versus gaining something (Goldsmith and Ravi, 2013). When working towards a goal we are more likely to worry about what we may have to give up in order to achieve the goal than what we will gain. This has the possibility to demotivate us in achieving or goals and ambitions.

So how do we become less negative? Firstly, we have to be aware of our own negativity biases, negative thoughts and when we are focussing too much on them. A great tool for this is the ABC model by Albert Ellis click here to read more about it. Then we challenge them, flip them round and focus on the good that can come from an event, from saying yes, from stepping outside our comfort zone. Think of the confidence and opportunities that can be gained from overcoming that negative thought process. 

When enjoying something be mindful, take time to focus on it and appreciate it, think about the positive feelings and savour them. Take it all in and save these positive memories for when negativity creeps in. 

A simple thing I have been doing is thinking of my three successes for the day, making sure I end the day on a positive – they don’t have to be big. For instance, the day before writing this mine were linked Google analytics to my website (epic by the way), made time to attend a talk and skied up a hill in my fastest time. 

Being in a position of yes is not about ignoring the obvious negatives, it is about assessing risk fairly and not missing out on opportunities we are too scared to take. In many circumstances the worst-case scenario is what prevents us from applying for that job we really want, taking up a new hobby we feel we don't have the skills for, asking someone out on a date or deciding if to go on holiday off the beaten track. But how likely really is the worst-case scenario? Should we be asking ourselves what's the best that can happen instead?

I like to stick a reference in here and there. 

Cacioppo JT, Cacioppo S, Gollan JK. The negativity bias: Conceptualization, quantification, and individual differences. Behavioral and Brain Sciences. 2014;37(3):309-310. doi:10.1017/s0140525x13002537

Goldsmith K, Ravi D. Negativity bias and task motivation: Testing the effectiveness of positively versus negatively framed incentives. Journal of Experimental Psychology: Applied. 2013;19(4):358-366. doi:10.1037/a0034415

Kahneman D, Tversky A. Choices, values, and frames. American Psychologist. 1984;39(4):341-350. doi:10.1037/0003-066x.39.4.341

Taylor, S.E., 1991. Asymmetrical effects of positive and negative events: the mobilization-minimization hypothesis. Psychological bulletin, 110(1), p.67.